President Ruto's loyal attack dog barks loud but he can't bite you!

Had Belgut Member of Parliament Nelson Koech shouted louder as he wished death  on a section of Kenyans this past Thursday, he would have torn whatever is left of his vocal cords.

Some of those watching him yell first-hand must have suffered damage to their eardrums. That is how loud he was, courtesy of a fear-induced anger that made his eyes pop.

Like many supporters of President William Ruto, Koech is terrorised by the thought that the Head of State, unpopular for his taxes and disregard for civil liberties, might serve a single term in office. The youth-led protests have only worsened this terror.

On Monday, the police decided to detain Nairobians in their homes, erecting roadblocks at their doorsteps.

Chasing likes and the chance to trend, Koech jumped onto the 'shoot' bandwagon, introduced to Kenyans by Interior Cabinet Secretary Kipchumba Murkomen and popularised by Ruto.

Days ago, Murkomen ordered the shooting of protesters who stormed police stations. He did not specify where police officers would shoot, leaving his boss to announce the genius Kenya Kwanza policy that could soon see a boom in the wheelchair-selling business: Shooting rioters in the legs.

The President must have been thoroughly briefed by top security chiefs that leg shots would only leave rioters crippled and not dead, an assessment he proudly shared with the public.

But Ruto should probably fire someone for not taking their research job seriously. Details about how Rex Masai, the first casualty of last year's Generation Z protests, was killed are a Google search away.

Koech, who chairs Bunge's Defence, Intelligence and Foreign Relations Committee, wondered why the President had discriminated against coffin makers, currently cashing in on the bloodthirstiness of the state-enabled police.

"Shoot and kill," the Belgut lawmaker, seething with rage, said about what the police should do to rioters “terrorising” Kenyans and their businesses.

Someone should have whispered to the MP’s ear that if Kenyans were to be killed, there would be fewer people to dish out the wads of cash he often flaunts. Indeed, his lack of foresight may be the reason why he is not President. By prioritising coffin makers, he overlooks the many businesses that could emerge from an outbreak of cripples, such as the begging business, currently populated with Tanzanians.

As Koech uttered those words, some 38 Kenyans, including a 12-year-old girl, spent the night inside morgue freezers. They were killed during Monday’s Saba Saba protests, joining nearly 20 others who died on June 25 in the afterlife, where zealots of the current administration want to send more Kenyans.

Thanks to Koech’s remarks, many Kenyans must have understood the clamour to have Kenyans replace most of those currently in leadership with sheep. With sheep in office, Kenyans can rest assured that no one has a target on their legs.

The MP did not stop there. He would prophesy a long stay in office by Ruto, dishing threats against politicians leading the Wantam chorus, and those plotting against “them.”

“(Mwai) Kibaki hakupiga one term. Uhuru (Kenyatta) hakupiga one term. Sisi umeona wakati imetufikia ndio sisi ni washenzi tukae one term,” he roared. As to whom he meant by “sisi”, your guess is as good as any.

Koech earned the attention he craved. He has been a top trend since Thursday on the social media platform X, where Kenyans are still searching for adjectives that best suit the MP's fire-spitting tongue. While at it, young social media users have mostly opted for insults.

Any reaction is welcome for Koech, a man used to being ignored. Indeed, several police officers have said they would ignore Koech’s illegal directive, and similar ones by other government officials. Few would fancy helping themselves inside a bucket, as Klinzy Baraza, a police officer, has probably been doing since he was arrested over the murder of Boniface Kariuki, a mask vendor.

Days ago, Koech wrote to Western envoys to say he had been hurt by a statement that asked the government to respect the right to picket. Before that, he had written to a United States senator to pledge allegiance and assure that Kenya still favoured the US over China, despite Ruto’s recent trip to Beijing.

Word has it that Bwana Koech still awaits responses to both letters. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Koech, you are not the kind of person envoys respond to. Also, in the off chance that your second letter got to the Yues, it probably ended up in a shredder of some front office.